Mood: Good

Anyway, it's been a while since I've written an entry. I tried to write one last week, but my comp stopped working and I had to stop. I was just too tired to start it up again. So let's get on with it...

Grad was great. I had 10 friends in a stretched Lincoln Navagator cruising downtown Vancouver for 3 hours. The limo has a huge sound system and a built in fog machine. We all had to keep switching seats as everyone wanted time to lean out the passenger window. Too bad there was no sun roof...If there was we couldn't have used it, it was pouring rain for most of the afternoon . I felt kind of listless and depressed as we went down. I didn't know why...after a couple hours I felt pretty good and started to jam along to all the songs we had in the disc changer.We used both quite a bit. we felt like rock stars comming up to the Hotel Vancouver...there was a fairly large group outside...but by the time we had the fog machine charged and the right CD in the system...everyone missed our big entranced. Shawn was a little pissed off...he kept telling everyone who would listen that it was the best thing ever. personally, I don't think anyone really saw it...and Shawn made himself look foolish...but that didn't matter. We arrived at the hotel and piled into the lobby...I do have to say one thing...Seaquam girls clean up very nicely.  I mean, wow...EVERYONE looked great. Hamlyn knows how to work green like no one else. Andrea actually looked good in a tiara(more about her later)...Faye went traditional Asian and looked stunning and yes, even Kirstin was there...she said something about wanting to get her picture taken with me...I grinned and beared it...she wore some purple thing. I don't think I saw Katie until the after grad...but she had her hair down (she rarely does that) it was nice. People I hadn't talked to in 4 years came up to me and said how nice I looked...I returned the compliment and tried to remember their lastnames(Sorry Tanya...um...crap)...Having that happen with you parents beside you is awkward(why I wanted them at another table in the first place) Like dad saying every 10 seconds "Who was that?" It was kind of annoying. He couldn't stop from staring at the girls...of course that's his style...Mom got all the pictures she wanted to scrapbook. James and Madison open the night with some speeches...Fisher (Priniciple) made his little speech. Said something about being able to keep it short because it was before dinner...Couldn't all of them been before dinner? Dinner was ok...the salad looked like it was made of weeds..Omar didn't touch his and got dirty looks from the waiters...the chicken was rubber...as it's always been. Dessert was awesome...Omar was an even bigger bastard by getting his dad's dessert...we all wanted him to choke on it...we told him that and chanted "choke" as he ate it...My mom, always wanted the photo op...got pictures taken by the pro photographer...I flirted with her for a while...it's a habit..I know...it's automatic...she couldn't have been more than 20...she was all miffed about not being able to be let out of the hotel...it's a policy meant to keep us from smuggling booze in. But not even out parents were allowed out. So the photographers were starving and they said  their bagel and 7 up was good, the smell of the food from the ballroom was bugging her. I  Reassured her the food wasn't that good and they weren't missing much...In the end, my mom bought a small photo package and I had a nice conversation...The speeches after were quite good. The toast to the parents and the teachers were done by two of the more eloquent Grads. Evan Hohert( never spell his name right) did the toast to the parents. He was the captain of the Jr. Football team. I have great respect for him. Dan Piva did the toast to the teachers...he took some good shots at Mr Hiduk and Mr Ward. The parents who did the toast to the grads went on forever...we thought he'd stop..but then he kept going...it was brutal...Mr. Ward finished it off with his toast to the Grads...he managed to hit almost every grad indivudally...I joked after words..."He should have mentioned me...I handed in stuff late...once..." I noticed Muffinhead was sitting at the table dioangle from us..I joked with Omar that she would never see it coming. It made me kind of sick to see the Spanish 12 student go over and hug her...that called for a bread knife intervention.The dancing after was cut short. We all wanted to use the limo and get our moneys worth..so we all did a quick change and got into the limo and crusied around again...I wanted to stay... a few fine ladies owed me a dance or two...but I was outvoted and we left. I was going to make it up at the aftergrad for sure. So we cruised around with the lasers going full...Speakers up too...Omar fell asleep...so we poked him...never fall asleep...easy target...We arrived at the Dry Grad at the YMCA...we wanted to do the same thing we did at the hotel with the fog machine...but waiting outside for 10 minutes while it powered up...we just looked stupid...so we came out, tipped the driver and made our way into the Y...We all were searched by these 2 Nazi Rent-a-Cops who couldn't see that one guy was plastered and took away someone nailfile while leaving my Leatherman tool knife in my bag...but it was great...they had TONS of food...20 pizzas...Somosas...doughnuts...candy...everything...the first thing I did was play the money both...when they put you in a box and blow around coupons and play money. I won a 50000 bill that could get me 10 raffle tickets...well I cashed those in and put them in the draw for the TV...didn't win...Kirstin Ho won...she put in only one ticket......I played a bit of pool with Miller...kicked Omar's ass in jousting....3 times...butchered "She Talkes to Angels" by the Black Crowes in Karoke...(Japanese for tone deaf) and I swam for about 2 hours...that was highlight of my night...now the YMCA doesn't have a big pool...but it was nice to swim in it...Andrea is a big swimmer, hell, she works at the local pool. So we were both stoked to go swimming. It was great, she's a great swimmer and it was niced to matched...Jessica also joined in...she spent many years on a swim team, so she was blowing us out of the water. Both of them, looking absoultely stunning in a next to nothing swimsuit  and in a grad dress . It's sad that I learned the other day Andrea lives down the street...but there's always the pool...and SFU in a few years...Jessica...she'll be at Kwat, so there's nothing to worry about. But I had so much fun in the pool..of course until my quads cramped up and I had to limp out to the hottub...wasn't fun...but I had a great night...too bad the only good pic of me and Andrea didn't get posted on the webiste ( that little asian guy is dead) the only one of my they did post was the karoke one...ugh...so what else? Once I recovered from Aftergrad I went to Sohotas with the rest of the guys and drank myself stupid...of course with me that takes 1 and a half Vodka Ice...but Mramor...shit, that big lanky guy had 4 beer at a family BBQ then came over and had a few more and was taking Crown Royal straight...he was a load of fun that night...we got it all on audio tape too..something about hitting yourself to get nipples...and snorting an ice cream bar...let's just say he'll never do that again. actually, I left before it got completely out of hand...

I think that sums of my Grad misadventures...
but entering the realworld is a creepy thing...I mean I realized I had no bank account and I had to get a new one and learn how to fill out deposit form...and women! Ha...Let's see...Jenny, Andrea, Jessica(well maybe not), Hailey?(the only other person I've known to like Chris Gains) Can I keep track of them anymore? am I into them? yes..hell yes...are they into me? I have no idea....why can't I figure this out? Inside reports say Jenny is...Andrea is nice to everyone, hard to tell...I like Jessica's legs...what? Hailey? Lost cause? not if I can help it... Commiment is a bitch..but I want to commit to something, someone...somewhere...I mean this is a big thing... I realized that I jump around...it's happened before...Katie? Gone...out of it...my opinion of her has changed for the worse...other than that...I think my bets are riding on Jenny and Saint's insider info..GO ME!
(Sigh) what else? Oh, Spiderman II is the greatest movie...every single second of the movie was incredible...I don't want to give any of it away...but the Spiderman story has always been close to my heart...it rings true...with great power comes great responsiblity...a nerd guy dealing with his problems...like me...it's great...the soundtrack is great too...New Maroon 5 and Dashboard Confessional...great bands..I even dug up some old Maroon 5 (then known as Kara's Flowers) on the P2P...it's all good...I finally got an Ipod as a grad gift..I've put on about 24 hours worth of music so far...not even touched the memory...it's really nice....Anything else? Saint is working again...6 days a week selling paper subscriptions...she hates it, but at least it get her some cash...she's still trying to get into the animation school...I really hope she does...

Ok, I think I'm done...

Currently Podding- The Darkness' "I Believe in a Thing Called Love"
how can a band named The Darkness have a song so light?

Mood: Tired

Mood: Tired

Just a note...never mix vodka and Sobes...it doesn't taste very good...Anyway I just saw "Grosse Point Blank" A very good hitman comedy movie...and since I just graduated, it was cool to see a 10 year reunion...my favourite line was...

Funny thing about John Cusak, he always seems to play himself, yet act very well...I don't get it...anyway, I'm always a bit fan of the hitman comedies (Big Hit, The Whole Nine Yards..Etc) and this one did not disappoint. It was good...

Last night, I was at a Brittany M's birthday party...Saint dragged me along...not that I don't like Brit. She's acting folk, improv team as well. So I was more than happy to go. Anyway, Brittany and her crew are "friends" of Benders (Thank god she was in Calgary) Recently I had been reconsidering my position on her and her involvement in the Hailey Scandal. I was beginning to write it off as paranoia on my part and was ready to drop my whole feud. But as the party progressed, one of the guests asked me about what happened that night on the Valentines Day and why my hatred for Bender had gotten worse over the months. I explained my side of the story with all the detail I usually put into those sort of things (I really loved that night) so, to my luck, the first person to see Bender and Hailey after I had gone home was there and she told me that Bender told Hailey to back off...Hailey didn't have a boyfriend at the time, nor did he ever see her that night (they got home around 6 in the morning.) So I feel good, that I'm not paranoid, but bad that it could have actually worked. Whatever, I have my answers. I can move on. But I can still despise that fat whore Bender all I like... The rest of the party was ok. About 15 or so people getting drunk. I had no idea one could get 7% alcohol coolers in 2 litre bottles. I was amazed...bringing a few of those to the next LAN party....on second thought...no...Mramor drunk again....BAAADDD....anyway, I have to get up early to register for Kwat online. it's really complicated stuff...so I guess I'm done

Currently Playing: Matchbox Twenty's "Push" the acoustic version

Mood: Tired

so, what to say? I returned from Whislter yesterday...a day early as Pyro broke his shoulder in the Bike Park...I think he's getting the thing pinned right now...poor bastard...that was at the end of the trip..even before we got there...we had a small car accident...scared the hell out of the my family...for some reason I didn't blink...weird...I guess I'm accustomed to the near death experiences...or near life..depending on the book...This was the second year I've gone to Whistler, so this trip was more about enjoying the surroundings rather than scouting them. I spent many nights in the Village just walking around...the folks at the local internet cafes knew me by name at the end of the week...I do have to say one thing...customer service at most of the Whislter businesses isn't terribly good...I mean they forgot things, things they remembered were wrong...I don't know...maybe it's all the ski/board bums on the off season...the only place where the service is good is the Medical Centre...they know how to handle sports related injuries like no other...I guess they have a lot of exprience...Pyro wasn't alone...he said something like 5 other guys in his tour group broke something...it was funny...we went to pick him up at the foot of the mountain...I get a call on my cell phone....it sounded like Saint when she's prank calling (which she does often) The voice said that Pyro was hurt..I said "Shut up, this isn't funny" several times before finally handing the phone off to my mom...apparently the only number Pyro remembered was my Cellphone...and it was the Medical Centre calling...I also realized that Saint had no idea that Pyro had gone biking...so when we arrived at the Medical Centre, I was known as the rude older brother to all the medical staff...I guess word travels really fast...so I saw the "Borne Supremacy" in one of the little theatres out there...The movie doesn't follow the book at all...most of the book takes place in Asia..while the entire movie takes place in Europe...still, it was a good movie...with many tips....like how to blow up a house with a toaster....it so cool...I ran around Lost Lake many times...great trail...the funny thing is last year I ran in to Kirstin there...so I was freaking out...I still had the thing for her...I remember I wrote a poem called scars become open wounds...it was dumb...this year...no one...thank god...but apparently she was there sometime over the summer....Keeps bringing up that damned Nude Beach......I found out yesterday I got a whopping 89% on my English Provincial....so that means I get into Kwat in all the proper courses...so I'm happy....my parents are so excited for me...but to me, it's just a number...I've been thinking of birthday plans...coming up in the first week of august...probably going to be Saint and Jenny and an Angel/Buffy Marathon...oh..one thing....Zeuskis...is one of the greatest Greek Resteraunts ever...I was not disapointed...

ok, I'm done

Currently Playing: The New Amsterdams "My Old Man Had  Pistol"
Funny....these guys are a punk band...with no real punk sounding songs....weird...

A lot of shit has been working it’s way through my head in the past few days…Days? It seems like weeks…thing number one:

Have I gotten over Hailey?

Boy I hope so, I met her, dated her and lost her in
course of one day. She shouldn’t be the kind of girl that lingers like
that, but she was the first girl: A) I cuddled with, B) to make the
move on me C) I tasted her neck and right ear. To me, that’s pretty
intimate and maybe, who knows, if Bender wasn’t involved in the end
part…But she’s something special. That’s it.

Thing Number Two:

Am I ready for a relationship?

Jesus! How many times do I deal with this in a span
of a year? This has to be one of the most complicated issues I have to
deal with. Do I posses the mental capacity to be intimate with a woman?
Answer: Yes! Over the long term? Not so much, I’m not sure, I’ve never
had to do it. Jenny, She’s such a great person. She so soft spoken at
times, yet so out there and she’s cute, I have to give that one to her.
The love of animals is a big thing too. Her and Wally…I always thought
if Wally doesn’t like me, I’d be in trouble, but I think he’s a very
accepting little beagle. Kevin is an issue I have to worry about. The
Brother may be protective of the sister. He knows me. We did Christmas
Carol together. But he has been in the company of one of the greatest
propaganda machine to be born since the Second World War. So his
opinion of me might have changed…Wait, I think I’m giving Bender too
much credit here. She’s not a Propaganda machine, she’s just a lying
whore. The worst thing is I used the excuse of "Not being ready for a
relationship" to get away from her. So I need to come to terms with
this issue. Am I ready for a relationship? Doesn’t have to be serious,
just a relationship? My bets are on Jenny, August 8^th. This opens up another interesting issue. Kwantlen is in the fall, September 7^th.
I am going to a place filled with single, older, intelligent women and
I am fresh man meat (yeah right) I don’t know if I can maintain a hold
on the old Seaquam peer group while still trying to get a new one at
Seaquam. Jenny is still a link to Seaquam. They say you can’t be
friends with someone you find attractive. (Ergo Bre and myself) So
friendship with Jenny is almost out of the question. But Kwat offers me
a chance to meet new people and what if I find that "Right" person? I
hate breaking peoples hearts (On purpose, those damn groupies can bite
me) so could I begin a relationship with Jenny on the 8^th
and then have to end it a month later? My god, this is one of the most
un like things I’ve ever had to consider doing. But maybe I have to
redefine myself and find out who I am…again…I had it all figured out
for about a week in May, so here I go again, soul searching. Maybe I’m
trying too hard to figure myself out. Nothing planned for, ever works.
Everything just happens (ie Hailey) Speaking of plans, The Improv Team.
Good lord, I hope we get some new blood in. I think it would be funny
if Jenny joins, I can Bender, then she goes to Dennett…wouldn’t that be
a scandal? I should start writing the book now, have it ready for an
October publishing date…I could write a book about my sorted affairs. I
started the blog about a week about Valentines Day. Saying thing like
"I never thought a person could feel like this" Blah Blah Blah. The
blog has shown me how rash of my decisions can be. That entire thing
with Katie went to hell. I was thinking with the wrong head. With
Jenny, this time it’s my heart and the proper head, the one I hang my
hat on. It’s going to be about companionship. Something I’ve been
missing for 7 odd months. I want that again. I’d fight to my last
breath to recapture those five hours, or at least, feelings like them.
Bre is right, love is a powerful drug and I’m hooked.

Big Thing Number Three:

Growing Up

I have been known as one of the most mature and
responsible people in my age group, BUT I cannot drives, I don’t have a
job and I can’t do a simple thing like go to the bank! It makes me
fucking sick. Trying to find a job is one of the most stressful things
in the world. Kyle, Sylvia and Amandeep all got jobs, sure. But they
have one thing I don’t have, An N! This has been the bane of my
existence for two long painful years of my life. If I had my N I could
keep a relationship alive. I could drive to dates, be there in
emergencies and just riding around. I could get a job. I’m tired of
running around town in a suit trying to get hired. I feel so stupid. I
could be helpful. With my dad out of commission, I’m going to have to
step up. But I’m afraid to, I don’t think I’m ready for this. Growing
up a socially sheltered nerd has stunted my social growth and it scares
me. I hate feeling like I’m two! Seeing all those people with their
cars, jobs and girlfriends. It makes me sick. Somedays I wish I could
just curl up in a ball and let the world pass me by. …Oh wait, I’m
doing that already! My body has gone to hell too. I feel fat again and
I hate it. I’m trying to get back, but it’s harder to get back than it
is to start. This time last year I was a machine. But now I’m just a
fat machine. This makes me ill. I’m nowhere near the size of the grade
8 me. But everyday I feel like I will be and it scares me. One of my
biggest fears is becoming fat again. My other fear is being alone,
without a support group. Without friends, parents, etc. Even Jamie
forms part of my support group. Almost being in that accident before we
went to Whistler made me think about that. In the "best" case scenario,
we’d all die and I wouldn’t have to worry about it. The second best
would be I’m the only survivor. The worst would have to be Jamie and I
are the only survivors. I don’t think he could take it. It would be
rough on him, more so than me. Funny, Kwantlen doesn’t scare me, just
everything else in my life does