Mood: Wasted out of my skull(and it was a tuesday!)

I have a feeling that I am subconsously punishing myself for something I did this/last week. I'm beating myself up in the weight room, running around unnessarlialy and not sleeping(even more than I usually do)...So I don't know what I'm doing now...but then again, what else is new? Once I figure myself out, I really don't like I'll need to blog anymore...meaning I'll be here for a long time to come.

I went to the education advisor today. It was informative even though none of it really applied to my current sicuation except in the fact that I now have a reason to keep up my GPA...even though I have one by just being in college, this one is a galvinizor. The high school habit of zoning out after Christmas is not one that should transfer to college...and it did...meaning I'm going to have to bust my ass to keep afloat in this shit storm...it was so much easier when I was afraid of my professors. Even with all her evilness, Crompton gave me a B. That's really good for her class (Graeme got an A- which I just don't get after the whole "No A Policy") I digress, the reason I went to the education advisor was to get all my facts reguarding SFU transfer in order. I also found out I can take one course in the summer and only four in the fall, yet still remain in the Priority Acceptence Program. Whoopie for me.

So there's are all the academic problems...

Social Difficulties:

Not bothering me as much as they should. Again, I'm used to being solo, so I'm not missing anything. I'm expecting. Simple. Jenny sent off her Kwat appt a couple days ago. Meaning fall will be very interesting...or not. It might be just the same. That kind of thing always happens to me. College was suppose to be different. It isn't.

Yes, I just got sidetracked again and watch Law and Order SVU...But I'm back...

I'll be case briefing until the early morn'...

Night

1:57
I'm taking my four hours...going to bed...and I'm going to dig myself out of my hole in the morning...
If all else fails, I'm taking a hit on the briefs and doing a double shift tomorrow night..where I can actually stay up til' 6am, go to bed until noon and still get up to make psych...whoopie

-Cleric

Mood: Bored

Again...no CSI...franky, I don't care anymore...
The Psych Midterm was returned this afternoon, I banked a 60/87 which it at about 69%...B-...not bad...I'm glad we're all back to "real" psych...Preception, Learning and Memory...but knowing Froc, he'll go the neuropsych route...whoopie...I don't see how you can go through those units on Neuropsych alone...Skinner was a behavouralist...

I don't think I can never not be tired...despite getting a decent amount of sleep last night, I'm tired now...I felt fine for a couple hours this afternoon. I'm probably going to go home and go right to bed at 10...Crim Stat tomorrow morn anyway. I can finally wrap my head around that course...I can sling the lingo pretty well too...good for me...

I was talking to Bre this afternoon. I tend her the Bender/Car story and she got a kick out of that. She knew Jenny had told me it...come on, who else would have? I think Bre wanted to make a bigger deal of it...the Jenny thing...but I didn't...it just didn't come to me...Bre's Birthday is this weekend...she's 20...and terrified...Bre wants to be 17 again...which I just don't get. I have two more years of hell stuck in teenagehood...she loves it...sicko...But knowing Bre, we're not going to do anything this weekend as she is working...The last birthday thing we did was the debocal of her 18th birthday...so that's been two years where you haven't done anything.

Frankly, neither of us cares at this point.

I need a job...

I have a month left of class...until summer that is..everyone else I know is psyched about summer break...techically mine still is...too bad my family isn't going to Whislter after last  year's disaster...I really wanted them all out of the house for a week or two...so I can get some things done....But Jamie and Dad will NEVER EVER go to Whislter again...Any peace and quiet this summer is out of the question.

Yeah, I'm done...I'll probably add more to this one in the morning or after Crim Stat at noon...

-Cleric

Mood: Crap

Despite nothing actually "bad" happening this week, it's been a week from hell and I can't comprehend why. I feel like hell redone...Class was ok today. We finally presented the beginning of an in class Stat project...my group was missing a member...which is ok...things like that don't bug me...fficeffice" />

I have no sense of direction what so ever. In an attempt to fulfill my promise to Bre for the Student Loan App, I go to C building where they have that kind of thing. The Cashier tells to go "Next Door"...so I go back out and enter the other half of C building trying to find the financial aid office...then they tell me to go "Next Door"...I go back and I find this little "hole in the wall"...which was the Financial aid place...and ALL the forms are online...and the paper ones for 2005/2006 aren't out yet (sigh)

The only bright spot of my week was when my mom found a spoon for a deactived Mills Bomb my Grandad brought back from WWII...Don't ask me how a man in the Forestry Corps gets a Frag grenade...That thing has been in the house as long as I can remember. I always assumed it was a US MKIII Pineapple...I put the whole Mills Bomb back together...I had to look somethings up...It's pretty cool...It's heavy...but I could throw it the prescribed 40M...

Yeah, I'm going to bed...too tired...I have to let the Ipod do the volume scan thing...1112 songs...(sigh)

-Cleric

Mood: ok

I want to bring up the tragedy of this week. 4 Junior RCMP Officers were killed in the line of duty in ffice:smarttags" />Mayerthorpe, Alberta while serving a search warrant. These men served their country with honor and dignity and will always be remembered. While in the midst of the current debate over toughening gun and drug laws, never forget the law enforcement officers that fall while giving their lives for other people. They are just average guys, doing a job they love...never forget them...(Complete Story)

Leo Johnston
Peter Schiemann
Brock Myrol
Anthony Gordon

I still stand by my career choice by the way...I felt I needed to bring that up.

I'm going to change the subject now, if that's ok....

I never understood how relationships start...do they just poof themselves into existence? Do they require a mutual understanding by the two parties? Or is it something more intangible than that? Something tells me strong feelings aren't going to cut it. But I'm going to have to confront her one day. What do I say? What line in the world can sum it up? Gifts and material gestures seems so false and I want something real. A perfect gesture is what we all strive for...

I'm feeling normless these days. Good ol' Durkheim's Anomie...Sociology is both enlightening and depressing at the same time. Sure, maybe capitalism doesn't breed normlessness as we all become isolated from each other. College life seems to. The thought normlessness always seemed to comfort me as it explains it all...I feel like no one out there thinks/feels the same way I do. Therefore I am isolated and normless. Sure, this doesn't explain why more protestants than Catholics kill themselves either, but it can still be applied to me. I hate to say it, sociology is growing on me...it has nice neat little theories, just as psych does...But give me the individual over the social structure/culture anyday. Maybe I should try to find some other normless people...fficeffice" />

(sigh)...Jenny...what can I say now? I'm looking at the perfect woman for me...Intelligent, Witty, Attractive(Brunette! Whoo!) and all those cute idiosyncrasies that I just can't get over...I'm doing nothing to get her.  Not a thing...Ha, I left out 3  lines in a piece of poetry so I wouldn't be accidentally flirting with that brunette in CRWR...I still don't know her name, but damn can she write. Those 3 lines were regarding Jenny in that oh-so cliché way that I want to avoid. I'm still having those teenage mood swings despite being at the  tail end of it...one day I'm ready for a relationship, the next I'm doubting whether or not I can provide(yeah, that one still baffles me)...I've been told these are suppose to stop...nope...Maybe that's just a part of me…or I think too much and begin to doubt myself. One of my major flaws...that one isn't even an idiosyncrasy...oh, so running this one through Word (sigh)

What else is there to say? I'm tired...and I have to be up at 0800 for something tomorrow...mom won't inform me on what...probably moving furniture again...

Good Night All...Especially to the Normless

-Cleric

Mood: ---

Well, I sat through "Goodbye, Farewell Ahmen"...which was shown in it's entirety...The one thing that bugs me about MASH is that they tend to get WAY too sentimental...like when Radar left...But the finale was something to see...it was a fitting ending to such a monumental show...
Poor Father Mulcahy...at least he gets better in ugh...After MASH...

So I've seen the pilot, I've seen the finale...whoopie

I don't have much to say today....so:

Pointless Lyric Entry

Blue Rodeo's Falling Down Blue

"Everybody tells me I'm lucky. I've got my whole life to live yet. I can't say they're wrong but the days seems so long living inside of my head. Maybe I'll get some relief now. Now that your things are all gone. I won't sit here staring at nothing at all, bleary eyed greeted the dawn.

Alright, I miss you tonight and I'm not really sure what to say, it keeps rolling in like a slowing moving train it get harder and harder each day. Each time I think that the worst of it's through I am stopped in my tracks by some vision of you Alright, I miss you tonight, I admit that I'm falling down blue.

She lived outside of the city. On the days when I'd visit her there, I'd watch her out dancing all lit by the moon. Cold winds of time in her hair. Then we'd go driving for hours, turn off the lights and just glide. Moving like sprits along through the night, the light through the trees as our guide

Alright I miss you tonight and I'm not really sure what to say. It keeps rolling in like a slowing moving train it gets harder and harder each day. Each time I think that the worst of it's through I am stopped in my tracks by some vision of you. Alright, I miss you tonight, I admit that I'm falling down blue."

Now, something from the Morgue:

Funny, Nick thought he’d never be here again.
The pavement was cold and the suit pants offered little protection. People who passed him didn’t even care. Frankly, Nick didn’t care either. He toyed with his lighter for a few moments. Not like he was going anywhere. He arrived in a limo that left and his family was out of town. Nick held his head in his hands and thought in that self made silent darkness.

”Nicky?” a breathy voiced called to him
”No one but…” he didn’t get the rest of the old line out as he stopped when he saw her. A flowing vision in purple and silver, her purse was clenched between her worried hands. Nick smiled as she did when they made eye contact. “You look good in purple.”
”You’ve never seen me in purple until tonight.”
”Still, you look good.”
”Thank you.” She replied as she tried to sit down, but found it awkward. “Not used to the frilliness.” Nick rose to his feet and laid his jacket on the pavement. He grabbed her hand and she gently lowered herself down. Nick rolled up his white shirt sleeves and sat back down on the payment.
”I couldn’t do that last year, I had a rental after all.”
”I appreciate the gesture.” She smiled. After a moment of comfortable silent she looked up. “Where’s your tie?”
Nick looked up at her and then out into the ffice:smarttags" />Vancouver Street.
”I tried to hang myself in the washroom with it, but it broke.” Jenny didn’t say anything. This time the silence was less than comfortable. “I’m just kidding.” He said, as he removed the silver and black checkered tie from his pocket. “It was a joke.” He proceeded to put the tie around his head. “Anything to lighten the moment.”
”I don’t blame you.” Jenny comforted him with a reaffirming pat.
”I should have told you before. Or even after.” Nick couldn’t look her in the eyes.
”I just think we should have talked about it before.” Jenny said, moving closer to him. He could feel the want in her. “I just want you to stay.” She wept into his shoulder.
”Come on now, don’t cry, not tonight. You’ll smudge your make up.” Nick said, trying to keep the situation light.
”I don’t care.” She said, still buried in his shoulder. He ran his fingers through her long dark hair. He whispered in her ear.
”I’ll be fine. I’ll come back. I’ll be fine” He repeated that. It what she wanted to hear.
”Why do you have to go?” She asked. Everyone was asking that this week. Nick had a few reasons prepared, but none seemed good enough for her.
”It’s something I have to do.” Nick shuttered. He didn’t even like that reason.
”That’s the best you can come up with? She shouted even though she held him closer. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you die. I don’t want you to leave me.” Jenny wept in his shoulder and Nick had no idea what to do. He’d been planning to join the CF once he’d finish post secondary. But after 2 years of college  and the war on the horizon, he had to do something.
”I don’t want to sit at home helpless. I want to go out there and challenge myself to see if I can do it.”
”Nick, that’s stupid. You can stay here, be safe. You don’t have to go getting shot at or blown up or jump out of planes or get amputated. We had plans.
That last comment caught him off guard.
”I’ll be fine.” He repeated again.
”Promise?” She said, and she snuffled and looked him in the eye. All Nick could do was stare into those brown eyes. He held the back of her head as they kissed.
”I Promise, I swear, I’ll make it back.”
”You better soldier. Or I’ll come over there and get you.”
Now that comment made him feel a little better

So there you go...Pointless lyrics and delusions of grandeur...

-Cleric

Mood: ugh

Well...I slept in today...which is ok as I don't have classes on tuesday...

That's all I have to say...feeling kind of low(ie Sick)...working on it...nothing a good wenesday won't fix, right?

-Cleric