...

I really don't know where to begin.

Everything is pretty much the same, except worse. A stunning two week illness has all but destroyed my academic life. My Social/Personal life is exactly the same. Exactly The Same. The only difference is I haven't seen Saint since Christmas and I'm getting worried.

Work is going alright. I logged in...over 20 hours this week.

 The Lt. returns tomorrow night and I get to close with him.He's been ill too for god knows how long and his wedding is this weekend. The staff is there and it should be fun. I'll say should because bringing the entire staff together at a social event has it's own set of problems.

 My Psychiatrist is proving useless.  It is really the ten minute session:

Dr. T: How are You?

Cleric: Good(Not really, that's what you say when anyone asks the question. Even mental health professionals)

Dr. T: Alright for pills?

Cleric: You bet.

Dr. T: How's The Girl doing?

Cleric: She's fine(It's Staci)

Dr. T: Ok, see you in a month. 

Of course, I won't tell him that my dear poor Staci's precious Lyric has passed. Or that her roommate is moving out. For a couple weeks there, things looked pretty bad for her. The roommate problem sorted itself out nicely(and will possibly become a sitcom pilot when Ally Against Evil Mark takes up residence with Staci) but she'll always miss her Lyric. This isn't the same scenario I had to deal with Madison in September. I had months to watch my loved old Maddi Buddy fade. Staci's was sudden and saddening. I just impart the fact that she will miss him all the time and she will never forget him, but maybe, someday, She'll move on to another cat.

It's been a few crazy months with her purpled awesome hair and her awesome German Shirt(my fault, I know)...and her awesome Converse boots(Very Creative Writing Amy and wonderful)

I guess I'm stronger than I thought I was. I'll mention Dani. Oh Dani. I keep her posted with weekly House updates and the conversations are meaningless.

I've been considering the life of solitude to better understand(and hate) myself. Joined the armed forces for a few years. Travel. Explore. Write many books about nothing. Speak about my books about nothing. It sounds exciting.  

I have to start looking at other life choice rather than academics.

(sigh)

Done.

-Cleric 

I wonder if I'll wake up tomorrow. It's something I don't really like to do, but I'll do it nonetheless. I wonder of perception is worth going to. I don't really care about that either. I'd rather hang out with Mark and Staci.

I'd rather do a lot of things than do other things. A slow gradual fade always seems to be a good idea. Movie, endings, it always seems like the way to go. What do I know with this blaze of glory nonsense. That's not dying how you lived. I'll die and the world will spin. Just like I live and the world spins.

Kinda nice that way

Either way, we really screwed the pooch on this Psych thing. He cancelled and I cancelled the same appointment and I hoped he would call me back, but I never called him back...and now I'm running low. I wonder if I can get more SSRIs from a walk in. It's on my file, at least I hope it is. The bastards. Like I enjoy the walk in. I'd rather see House, have him mock me, then tell me what's wrong. I'd take the mock with the right answer. Not: Mock/No answer OR Nice/wrong answer. Though, I shouldn't fault that other doctor. It was viral. Stilll, suggesting that I snort baking soda and salt in body temperture water seemed odd at first. Once I got the hang of it, it did the job. Or I just got better at the same time.

I helped with the inventory on Monday. Since I was off at midnight and decided I had nothing better to do, I helped Brett, Matt, the Sarge and Lt...apparently I even got paid for it to. Which is sweet. I should get a slick paycheck next payperiod due to the fact I busted my ass for 5 of 7 days. The Lt thanked me when he came back for "picking up all those extra shifts" assuming I hadn't been assigned them. He even apologized for a schedule he didn't even create. I managed to get him a wedding present today. A little harder than I had thought, but it worked out well in the end. It's definetely a fitting gift to come from me off the list. I couldn't do towels...or luggage...or...the 2000 dollar TV...but I would have liked to.

I miss Saint. Even Shawna misses Saint. Shawna has informed me Saint has blown her off several times over the past month. I have no other way of contacting her expect through facebook,. which isn't the best way to do things. Maybe she's upset at me for something. Maybe she's upset at the world for nothing. Maybe she just doesn't need me anymore. That's always an idea. That's how most things end. Heck, I don't even need me anymore. I've probably never needed me.

I haven't had a beer in a while. I'm having one now. It's alright. I really shouldn't...but I have to do something to get to sleep tonight...

Amy...Amy...Alyssa...the little things. Stoya. Wow. She speaks english and everything! awesome.

Ok, I'll stop now before I can't...and I'll stop before I actually stop. That's not a good sign.

----Cleric---------- 

Dear to the Higher Ups in "The Firm",

From March 14th until the 23rd the two school districts that border out store will be on Spring break. I write this note to inform you all because apparently of the employees in the organization I seem to be the only one who knows it, since both my mother and younger sibling get the two week vacation period.

Please allow us the chance to have more staff in during critical times. and don't blame us if we can't handle weekend numbers with weekend staffing.

Signed

Cleric, Covert Sniper/Recon Specialist

It's...it's like a hell and heaven rolled into a neat little package. On the one hand, I'm working with Staci and that's always fun. However, it's hell. Like thumbscrews. Since Mark Staci and myself have tuesday off, we're going to hang...probably Warhammer paint. We're all going to need to do something to make us forget the past few days. Not the wedding of course, that was fantastic. but the Friday/Sunday/Monday...

I saw Dr. T today. I pretty much lied to him for 15 minutes and he sent me on my way with a script for pills and an appointment set for May. Everything isn't ok, but I had to come in early to work. 6 hours today. 11 Hours Sunday night. Eight Hours on Friday. I think if I keep taking more hours, they won't pay me anymore....since we're running a little over out allotment of time...and no one seems to care but me....well, Maybe the Sarge since the Lt. Col(or Captain since I don't feel like giving the man that high of a rank... It probably would be an Lt. Col since he has to look out several units. A captain would only be responsible for his own troops...) ragged on him for a few a while ago.

I don't understand this Firm. Saying we don't care....come on. Of all the stores in the platoon, we probably care the most...just about something else: Our fucking customers.

...ok, maybe "fucking customers" wasn't the best phrase to use there. I just had The Shift From Hell, so I'm not happy.

Sunday was bad for me simply because I stood for 11 hours straight. In an MSN conversation with Staci after I deemed the only way I could be consoled was with a Natalie Portman hug. I don’t even know how that’s possible, but it’s nice to think about.

Remember, I don't think she's a great actress, however....from what I know about her, she seems like a fantastic person just to be around.

1. Natalie Portman (for being awesome all around)

It's not sexual (Hotel Chevalier a side) I want to hang out with her. Study, drink coffee, listen to the Shins and debate things. We got into a conversation Sunday with the guys at work with a "What If____  walked in"...of course, I had Natalie Portman in one of our work shirts with the long black sleeves like I rock(but that AEO waffle style like Staci has), perfect fitting black pants and a pair of Chuck Taylors. I got excited.  

2. Amy Acker(Love her like pancakes)

From the Angel days. Smart, attractive and Glasses. Mmmm. Pancakes. Put her in a WWII dress uniform and I get excited.  

3. Nicole Deboer (The First One. Perfections)

A stunned grade 6 me watching Deep Water Black, falling in love. My first mature "crush on a celebrity."   

4. Kate Beckinsale(Mmmm, Short Hair and long coats. I miss that Kate)

5. Kari Byron(So Pale, so awesome)

6. Niki Guidex(Built like a Paton tank, but a good way)

Remember, the short hair thing is not about the short hair: It's about neck exposure.

Oh, I guess I'm not seeing "My Blueberry Nights" either....I glanced at a trailer and Natalie sounded kind of hick. Add that to the list of Portman movies I will not watch including "Where the Heart Is" "Goya's Ghost" and "The Other Boleyn Girl."

Redneck in a Walmart, Spanish Inquisition and I know which Boleyn girl she is. Thanks Socials Eight.

So I guess I have to fill my time with Hotel Chevalier and Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. Which I loved...mmmm, turquoise shirt, rainbow long sleeve T...that finger thing. *Heart flutter*

Enough about Natalie Pormtan. I'm going to bed.

I have figured out a career choice: I'll write bad movies that get put onto rental shelves. My first two titles? The Stakehouse and Salvagers....and written by the guy who did "the Stakehouse" comes "Undead to Rights" 

-Cleric 

            It was a throw away comment talking about some Very European actor in "Before the Fall", but Staci wants unobtainable older men. I don't know why I had to bring that up. Nor do I know how that part of the conversation was a segway from Mark commenting on how fat Lee Adama was during the beginning of BSG season three. Come on, of course he's going to be fat if he's flying around the Galatica while it orbits New Caprica doing nothing....well, nothing except hang with Dee. Awww

Man, I have to get back in BSG. It's been way too long since I've seen parts of season three. I must borrow it from Mark when he is done....which will be in about two days if he keeps up his pace. Heck, he'll probably get off of work in a 15 minutes, drop Staci off then proceed to finish the handful of episodes he has left.

You know, just thinking about it...I wonder if Frank Sinatra was right in saying that one of the first martial arts fights in an American movie was his fight with the "Korean" in the “Manchurian Candidate”? I talked to a customer about the remake(which I hadn't seen, Mark had thought) I couldn't even think of what organization in the modern era could fill in for the Communists. Oh. Big Business. Frank wasn't right however, a few martial arts fights took place in movies made in the 40's. A couple in the 30's. Thanks to Imdb.

I rented "Death at a Funeral" for the second time. I intend to watch it since I have tomorrow off. I do tend to stay at home by the phone on a Saturday when I Don't work...incase I'm called in.

The Lt. was back today. Apparently those three days in the honeymoon suite wasn't as relaxing as I would have imagined since people after a wedding apparently want to see the bride and groom. The Lt. is back in country for this week and he'll be back out to wherever him and the new Mrs. Lt. are going for their honeymoon. Oh, the Lt. Col ragging on the Lt for our "lack of commitment" isn't good, since the Lt has stated pretty much a "Sell or Die" program. That always motivates me. Top Seller today in my little 5 hours shift, putting to shame all the people working 8 or so hours.

I had to go to my underground contacts, but I managed to get a message to Saint to call me back. I ever gave her the code phrase to make sure she wasn't being kept against her will. I said "*Saint*, if you're not ok say "I feel fine."" So apparently her boyfriend isn't as big of an asshole as I think he is, but he's close....I've had a problem with most of her boyfriends. Mike was a tough one, since I knew him during highschool...but my respect for him has dropped considerably since.  

I should get my academics sorted out next week. I've said that plenty of times, but when I start thinking the French Foreign Legion is a logical career choice, I should really start looking at "easier" options.

But to keep myself occupied, away from thoughts of crushing failure, I'll keep painting my little force of Imperial Guard. I'll keep trying to write a Freedom Franny movie script (or at least a treatment), my Meta-Human Overcite story AND my attempt at writing at Bad Movie Script like "Snakes on a Train" or "Black Sheep." Maybe I'll write the final parody movie called "War Movie" when I shamelessly mock our timeless war films. Oh, and if that's in production, I'll cry a little bit. That's worse than the attempt to make a MASH Movie....not a remake of the actual MASH movie, but a feature length version of the show with modern actors. Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrel as Hawkeye and Trapper?! I'm glad that's only a hypothetical MASH IMDB message board post...  

 Come to think of it, I am unobtainable. I'm one of her underlings. Or "Smunderlings." Of course, we've all been talking about quitting and finding something else to do. It's idle threats due to the poorly made Sarge Schedule...but when the Lt is back after the honeymoon, we won't feel so bad.  Apparently I pronounce schedule in the English manner...and people don't understand why.

Dani? Maybe. Staci? Possibly. Improbably...but it's nice to think about that neck and that awesome purple hair everynow and then...all that excited energy when she lovingly describes a favored show. Come on, I pretty much stayed an extra hour after I was off to hear her talk about Oz! Which is all about sodomy and taking BD Wong hostage! Or at least...all the parts I've seen when Oz was still on Showcase.

Oh, managed to find all the router information to get my 360 back online. Paramore's crushcrushcrush and Oasis' Wonderwall are welcomed additions to my rockband arsenal. I can't wait for Staci to sing lead on Crushcrushcrush and channel her inner Hailey. You know my feelings on girls with big teeth named Hailey...like my "favourite" Duff sister...(ok, not like I actively seek out Hailey Duff, but if given the choice...)

Done? Done...I'ma go paint my little solders.

-Cleric 

...This has been a pretty interesting day.

...Monday/Tuesday always has a habit of running together for me...since I closed with Mark and we ended up getting out on time at midnight, then we caught a bite to eat at BP. Anyway, conversations of Warhammer 40k Force Organization and why we Enjoyed/hated the first Hulk movie over salad and pizza are always a welcomed distraction from the terror work has been over the past week. Heck, I ended up getting an orange slurpee on the way home for little or no reason. It was hovering around 2 degrees too!...

So needless to say, in my classic fashion I was up late doing various things including Rockband, Nerdhammer and movie watching. I managed to fit in Hellboy and V for Vendetta again while painting.

Here is where is gets...interesting. Still Tuesday. I get up on the late side of the day...with Pyro glancing out the window saying "Oh Crap, it's Saint..."... I wonder why he didn't answer the door/say "crap" when Saint was at the door...with a cop...

So, I think I was right about a couple things her life....The SafeHouse is active and all personnel are on alert. ... Meaning Pyro is ready to manhandle pretty much anyone I deem necessary and the cricket bat is coming out from under the bed and will be beside for door for the next few days…

Things I've Found out Today:

1. Nerdhammer is actually better than sitting on the computer...I think.
2. Warhammer IS Nerdhammer. I remember thinking last week while I was at the Games Workshop that "That is the largest twelve year old I ever did see!" I'm a former fat kid. I'm allowed to say that....I also think Saint said something about the sales associate who talked to her last time probably "never saw a girl before."

There was a third thing, but it has since escaped me. I shall find it soon enough.

That's been my day. Hanging out with/Supporting my best friend in one of her times of need while showing her the ropes of nerdhammer and Rock band...then singing "Wanted Dead or Alive" in the most intense Emo-Hick scream I can muster. Awesome. Saint thought it was the funniest thing she’s seen in a while.  

I ran into Staci today. She was going to pick up paint with Ashley for the new room Ashley is moving in to...It's always nice to see her, even if it's for a moment. Oh, Britany can sod off with her backtracked statement that "Staci is perfect for me."...this from the same person who said "Only retards have crushes on Staci....." So does that mean I'm the perfect retard?

(Sigh)

-Cleric  

I'll give myself this half an hour before I get ready for work to write something. Anything about anything. Go for it.

Saturday, I did technically have a day off. Of course, I got a text at 9 from Staci wondering if I could take her entire 11:00 to 7:30 shift or split it. Since I was in bed and didn't feel like getting up in 2 hours, I told her I'd be on stand by until she was unable to work, then I'd take over...she held out to two, but I was still in bed and she had to fight through until three.

I did my thing for five or so hours and called it there. I had grand plans of hopping down to the Games Workshop with Saint to pick up a Chimera and perhaps a box of Elite Stormtroopers. Of course, they are pewter which I'm not the biggest fan of. Ever since my pewter Melta Gun Guard came out really well, I've been learning to accept the metal models, however I do prefer plastic.

Anyway, that'll give me more time to think of a cool Camo pattern for the Elites. I'm thinking a Vietnam inspired tiger stripe in OD green and black with random specks of brown and a sand colour. Who knows, I don't know if I can even paint camo. My standard Guard are WWII inspired...meaning my Elites might just be Vietnam Era Navy SEAL inspired...

Was it Wednesday I helped Staci paint Ashley's new room two shades of purple? It was. Saint joked that I should get excited about the fact Staci will probably wear a tank-top and shorts to paint. I laugh the comment off despite the fact she did wear a very nice tank-top with jeans... and bare feet, which I don't usually find exciting(my time with Elizabeth being a key example)Needless to say, I was excited. Actually, I had a great time painting the room with her. She treated me to take 'n bake pizza for lunch and we watched most of "Hard Core Logo" while we waited for the first coat to dry. Honestly, I feel better just being her presence from time to time. This made my Friday morning shift go well. She didn't begin her shift in the greatest mood, but after a long round of "Bad Movie Title/Tag Line" her spirits were lifted and that makes me a little happier too. I can't have too much happiness these days can I?

I've been thinking of taking the summer off academically, get all my aces lined up and attempt a reboot in the fall under more academic conditions. Summer courses are just the first year ones I've done already. I don't think my mum will buy it. I just think after a whole summer of doing all the crap I waste my time on, I'll be ready for academics since I'll be out of stuff to do. I can see all the flaws in that logic, but please don't call me on it. I'll just up my dosage, run more and find myself a cute short haired brunette girl to hang out with...things will be ok.

Yep. Time to get ready for work.

-Cleric